Religious and Philosophical Views of Life.

(Arranged on tables for Easy Perusal)

Religion/Philosopy

Main Views

Other Views

Other Views

Other Views

Taoism

Shit Happens.

Shit Happens, so Flow with it.

A true Tao Master understands that Shit has no inherent meaning, Shit simply Happens.

 

Confucianism

Confucius say, "Shit Happens."

     

Bhuddism

If Shit Happens, it isn't really shit.

Shit Happening is the highest good. When Shit Happens, it affects all things generously and is itself without strife.

Your unhappiness with Shit Happening is caused by your inability to free yourself from wordly desires.

 

Zen

What is the sound of Shit Happening?

Shit only Happens when it does not Happen.

Shit is, and is not.

Shit, or Shit not. There is no try.

Hinduism

This Shit Happened before.

. ...(and this Shit will Happen again in the future)

   

Islam (General)

If Shit Happens, it's the will of Allah.

Allah is the source of all Shit that Happens, so when Shit Happens, you must submit to the will of Allah.

Islam (Shi'ite)

If Shit Happens, blame Israel

If Shit Happens, take a hostage.

Islam (Sunni)

Shi'ite happens.

 

Protestantism (General)

Let Shit Happen to someone else.

Protestantism (Calvinism)

Shit Happens because you don't work.

Protestantism (Christian Science)

When Shit Happens, don't call a doctor - pray.

Shit Happening is all in your mind.

Protestantism (Congregationalist and Unitarian)

Shit that Happens to one person is just as good as Shit that Happens to another.

When Shit Happens, Praise the Lord for it!

Protestantism (Jehovah's Witness)

Let us in and we will tell you why Shit Happens.

Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its Happening.

Open the door and I will show you "The Watchtower",our monthly magazine that explains why Shit Happens to sinners like you.

Protestantism (Lutheranism)

Have faith that Shit will Happen.

If Shit Happens, don't talk about it.

Shit Happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

See also "Creationism"

Catholicism (General)

If Shit Happens, you deserve it.

You were born Shit, you are Shit, and you will die Shit.

Catholicism (Charismatic Catholic)

Shit is Happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

See also "Creationism"

Creationism

God made all this Shit Happen.

If God didn't make all this Shit Happen, why is all this Shit Happening the way it is?

   

Secular Humanism

Shit evolved, it didn't just Happen.

If God did make all this Shit Happen, why is all this Shit Happening the way it is?

See also "Darwinism"

 

Judaism (General)

Why does Shit always Happen to us?

Shit Happens to the Gentiles because they aren't God's Chosen People.

   

Agnosticism

What is this Shit?

Maybe Shit Happens; then again, maybe not.

Yes, It Happened, and It looks and smells like Shit, but I haven't tasted It, so I'm not sure whether It is Shit or not.

 

Atheism

I don't believe this Shit.

Shit Happens for no particular reason.

There is no Shit Happening.

 

New Age

If Shit Happens, honor it and share it.

For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner Shit Happening.

This Shit has an aura of Happening....

This Shit Happened to me in a previous lifetime...

Greek Stoicism

This too, shall pass.

     

Existentialism

Shit doesn't Happen, Shit IS.

Who knows what this Happening Shit is?

Does anyone really know what any Happening Shit really is?

 

Nihilism

No Shit.

Fuck this Shit.

Let's make Shit Happen to Everyone.

 

 

Other Philosophies & Political Movements

Main Views

Other Views

Jungian

Shit Happens

The Synchronicity of Shit Happening is when Shit Happens in just the right place at just the right time to make other Shit Happen.

Freudian

If you can Shit, it isn't Happening.

Sometimes Shit Happening is just Shit Happening.

Darwinism

Survival of the Shittiest Happens through Natural Selection.

This Shit Happening was once food, which itself was once a living Shit Happening.

Capitalism

Let's sell this Shit - SOMEBODY will pay for it to Happen!

That Shit is mine.

Communism

Let's share this Shit - NOBODY will pay for it to Happen.

That Shit is ours.

Democrats/Labor Party

Let's tax this Shit whenever it Happens, and make sure everyone gets their fair share of Shit.

I want your Shit.

Republicans/Tory Party

Let's let this Shit trickle down in a free economy - if it doesn't Happen, we can always blame the Democrats/Labor Party.

You can keep your Shit.

Feminism

Men are Shit.

This Shit Happened before, and WE won't clean it up!

Chauvinism

We may be Shit, but you can't Happen without us...

This Shit didn't Happen as often when only men were in charge...

Impressionism

From a distance, this Shit looks like a Happening.

 

 

If you have read this far and laughed, good - now go back and read it again. This is a serious work on my part, hopefully an accurate summary of various outlooks on life. In all cases, "Shit Happens" can be replaced with "Good Things/Good Happenings", "Bad Things/Bad Happenings", or other ideas that we ponder while we're staring up at the stars or straining quietly at life. In other words, you can have Good Shit and Bad Shit, but if you have No Shit you're emotionally constipated - or your life simply is Shit. =)

If, on the other hand, you read this far and were offended..... Well..... Shit Happens. =)

 

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